Make sure to follow me on my new blog if you were following me on here. I promise I will make it worth your time and post lots of fun stuff! I've already got several posts to read through.
Thanks! You guys are great!
Steph
Monday, May 16, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
My blog is moving! Please read for the change!
Hello all!
The time of Perryman Ponderings has come to an end! I'm moving my blog over to: www.domesticdelirium.com .
Please head over there and add me to your list of blogs you follow! I don't want to leave any of you behind.
Thanks!
Stephanie
The time of Perryman Ponderings has come to an end! I'm moving my blog over to: www.domesticdelirium.com .
Please head over there and add me to your list of blogs you follow! I don't want to leave any of you behind.
Thanks!
Stephanie
Thursday, April 14, 2011
End of pregnancy thoughts
This post is going to be pretty rambling, long and random so you will just have to bear with me here.
Today is Thursday, April 14, exactly one week from my scheduled c-section to bring little Layla Paige into the world. I've also been on maternity leave for 5 full weeks as of tomorrow. I can't believe I haven't worked in over a month. That seems crazy to me. What's even crazier is that I won't be going back. It hasn't sunk in yet. The school year is still going on and I'm still doing things for work and checking in (mostly via computer) to make sure all is moving smoothly in my classes. Until this school year is over I won't feel like I'm completely "done" working. Until then, I am enjoying my time off greatly and things seem to be going as good as can be expected with my classes.
I'll admit that I've gotten a little bored here over the past couple of weeks since I don't do a whole lot and it's gotten harder and harder for me to get out and about and do things. I end up being either at my house or my parent's house most of every day. If I'm home alone all day with Brooklyn, I have major mommy guilt for not being able to do more than sit and watch TV with her. I know so many women who were very active at the end of their pregnancies but I'm not one of those! I started having difficulty breathing well long before I went on maternity leave and things haven't improved in that department. I still feel short of breath almost all day and that keeps me from being able to do anything, mainly because I get light headed and feel like I'm going to pass out if I put out too much physical effort. I feel like such a wimp! So our days consist mainly of watching a lot of Dora, laying on the couch together (well, I lay and Brooklyn lays, crawls and climbs all over me) or sitting in the recliner or napping. I have taken to napping whenever Brooklyn is napping because I'm back to having the very lethargic, sleepy feeling several times a day. This could be just pregnancy related OR it could be that Brooklyn is going through a horrible sleeping phase and I my huge stomach prevents me from being able to get very comfortable each night. Or it could be a combination of all of those! Either way, taking a nap is a MUST every day if I'm going to keep a shred of sanity.
Let me just list some of the lovely pregnancy side effects I've been dealing with lately:
- severe heart burn
- round ligament pain in my abdomen (causing a trip to L&D when I thought something must be wrong)
- sciatic nerve pain
- shortness of breath/difficulty breathing
- the beginning of swelling in my hands and feet
- insomnia
- tennis elbow in my right arm
- sharp, shooting pain in the back of my right calf (yes, the right side of my body hates me right now)
- random contractions, usually while I am doing any kind of walking or physically exerting activity
- leaking breast milk (yay for this lovely symptom)
- itchy skin (mainly on my stomach)
I think that's a pretty comprehensive list at this point. Nothing out of the ordinary but quite tiresome nonetheless. All the discomfort of my pregnancy with Brooklyn has been flooding back into my memory. It's true what they say about forgetting how miserable pregnancy was right after you have the baby and you're all "goo-goo" over the baby. What they don't mention is that it all comes back during your next pregnancy when you start going through it all again!
I remember now why I kept saying I didn't want to get pregnant again for a very long time at the end last time. I'm singing that same tune right now. This time I mean it though. Unless God intervenes, I won't be having the next baby close together like I did the first two. I would like to wait a full two years before even contemplating pregnancy. Then, if it happens, Layla will already be older than Brooklyn is right now and almost 3 years old by the time #3 came along. But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here...ahem...
Things I'm looking forward to:
- Finally laying my eyes on this little girl I've been carrying around for 9 months! (And who has been kicking the living day lights out of me for several months now)
- Being able to breathe again!
- Getting rid of the ugly, puffy scar from my first c-section. My OB used dissolvable staples last time and my skin keloided (puffed up and made a really ugly scar) really bad. She is going to cut that scar out and this time suture me up with a synthetic string that they will take out a week after my surgery. She thinks this might heal without all the puffy redness. I sure hope so!
- Not bumping into things with my stomach!
- Being able to get up and around the house and do stuff without it feeling like I just ran a marathon!
- Sleeping on my stomach and back again!
- Not having the sciatic nerve pain I've been dealing with (hopefully it really goes away - my sister's actually got worse after she had Jocelyn)
- Getting into our new "normal" with two kids. I haven't felt like I could get into a routine around here because I know it's not going to stay that way for very long. Once Layla is here, I can actually start working on getting a good routine going for us.
In other news, my sister had her beautiful baby girl on March 23rd. Jocelyn Abigail arrived by c-section around 8:53am weighing in at 8 lbs 13 ozs. My sister doesn't make small babies! She is beautiful and I'm totally bummed I was unable to be there for the birth of her third girl. I haven't been able to be there for any of my sister's births which is a big disappointment. I hope that if she has a 4th baby that I can be there for that one. Jocelyn is now 3 weeks old already and is very loved by her parents and her two big sisters, Katelyn and Madelyn. I just hope Brooklyn loves her little sister Layla as much as Katelyn and Madelyn love theirs. I'm still not sure what to think about how Brooklyn will react to having another baby around here. She doesn't like to share her attention but she does love babies in general so maybe she will be excited to have a baby around all the time. That's what I'm praying for at least!
I still do not have Layla's sleeping area set up in our room. It's something we just haven't gotten around to doing and it's really starting to bother me. Part of the problem is Waylon and I not getting our room cleaned up enough to move the 3 pieces of furniture that we need to make up her little living arrangement. She will stay with us in our room (in her own crib) for a few months or however long I end up breast feeding. I don't expect her to stay in there longer than about 3-4 months though. Hopefully by then she will be sleeping through the night regardless of whether she is still breast feeding or not. By then we will have to have a toddler bed for Brooklyn or just put the small crib in the nursery for Layla until she is too big for it. Either way, we are getting Brooklyn a toddler bed for her 2nd birthday and will start training her to sleep in it over the summer. I have a feeling she is going to like it. I hope I'm not wrong!
I have not magically turned into a good house keeper just by not working and being a SAHM. Part of that I know is because I'm pregnant and tired. The other side of it is that Waylon and I have some really poor habits of leaving things out and not putting them back after we're done with them. Neither of us are very organized, tidy people and it shows! I hope to rectify at least the first part of that once I'm recovered from my surgery and adjusted to having another baby around. That may be wishful thinking though!
I do have some anxiety and fear when I think about how much more work it's going to be taking care of two kids instead of one and keeping the house clean on top of that. I'm seeing just how hard it is to be a SAHM and hoping that it will become more natural to me the more I do it. Right now, it doesn't feel very natural to me at all and I just look around and see all the areas I'm failing in. But then I have to remind myself that I've never been a SAHM and have always worked so it's not going to just come naturally to me right away and might never be 100% natural to me. I know that if I ask God to help me with this He will and that I will be a better mother and house keeper and wife only through His strength and guidance.
I think this post has rambled on long enough. If you've read all of this then you are a true friend! I do plan on making a post before next Thursday with some pictures of me here at the end of the pregnancy and more info and pictures of Brooklyn and what she has been up to (I realize I didn't say much about her in this post!).
Today is Thursday, April 14, exactly one week from my scheduled c-section to bring little Layla Paige into the world. I've also been on maternity leave for 5 full weeks as of tomorrow. I can't believe I haven't worked in over a month. That seems crazy to me. What's even crazier is that I won't be going back. It hasn't sunk in yet. The school year is still going on and I'm still doing things for work and checking in (mostly via computer) to make sure all is moving smoothly in my classes. Until this school year is over I won't feel like I'm completely "done" working. Until then, I am enjoying my time off greatly and things seem to be going as good as can be expected with my classes.
I'll admit that I've gotten a little bored here over the past couple of weeks since I don't do a whole lot and it's gotten harder and harder for me to get out and about and do things. I end up being either at my house or my parent's house most of every day. If I'm home alone all day with Brooklyn, I have major mommy guilt for not being able to do more than sit and watch TV with her. I know so many women who were very active at the end of their pregnancies but I'm not one of those! I started having difficulty breathing well long before I went on maternity leave and things haven't improved in that department. I still feel short of breath almost all day and that keeps me from being able to do anything, mainly because I get light headed and feel like I'm going to pass out if I put out too much physical effort. I feel like such a wimp! So our days consist mainly of watching a lot of Dora, laying on the couch together (well, I lay and Brooklyn lays, crawls and climbs all over me) or sitting in the recliner or napping. I have taken to napping whenever Brooklyn is napping because I'm back to having the very lethargic, sleepy feeling several times a day. This could be just pregnancy related OR it could be that Brooklyn is going through a horrible sleeping phase and I my huge stomach prevents me from being able to get very comfortable each night. Or it could be a combination of all of those! Either way, taking a nap is a MUST every day if I'm going to keep a shred of sanity.
Let me just list some of the lovely pregnancy side effects I've been dealing with lately:
- severe heart burn
- round ligament pain in my abdomen (causing a trip to L&D when I thought something must be wrong)
- sciatic nerve pain
- shortness of breath/difficulty breathing
- the beginning of swelling in my hands and feet
- insomnia
- tennis elbow in my right arm
- sharp, shooting pain in the back of my right calf (yes, the right side of my body hates me right now)
- random contractions, usually while I am doing any kind of walking or physically exerting activity
- leaking breast milk (yay for this lovely symptom)
- itchy skin (mainly on my stomach)
I think that's a pretty comprehensive list at this point. Nothing out of the ordinary but quite tiresome nonetheless. All the discomfort of my pregnancy with Brooklyn has been flooding back into my memory. It's true what they say about forgetting how miserable pregnancy was right after you have the baby and you're all "goo-goo" over the baby. What they don't mention is that it all comes back during your next pregnancy when you start going through it all again!
I remember now why I kept saying I didn't want to get pregnant again for a very long time at the end last time. I'm singing that same tune right now. This time I mean it though. Unless God intervenes, I won't be having the next baby close together like I did the first two. I would like to wait a full two years before even contemplating pregnancy. Then, if it happens, Layla will already be older than Brooklyn is right now and almost 3 years old by the time #3 came along. But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here...ahem...
Things I'm looking forward to:
- Finally laying my eyes on this little girl I've been carrying around for 9 months! (And who has been kicking the living day lights out of me for several months now)
- Being able to breathe again!
- Getting rid of the ugly, puffy scar from my first c-section. My OB used dissolvable staples last time and my skin keloided (puffed up and made a really ugly scar) really bad. She is going to cut that scar out and this time suture me up with a synthetic string that they will take out a week after my surgery. She thinks this might heal without all the puffy redness. I sure hope so!
- Not bumping into things with my stomach!
- Being able to get up and around the house and do stuff without it feeling like I just ran a marathon!
- Sleeping on my stomach and back again!
- Not having the sciatic nerve pain I've been dealing with (hopefully it really goes away - my sister's actually got worse after she had Jocelyn)
- Getting into our new "normal" with two kids. I haven't felt like I could get into a routine around here because I know it's not going to stay that way for very long. Once Layla is here, I can actually start working on getting a good routine going for us.
In other news, my sister had her beautiful baby girl on March 23rd. Jocelyn Abigail arrived by c-section around 8:53am weighing in at 8 lbs 13 ozs. My sister doesn't make small babies! She is beautiful and I'm totally bummed I was unable to be there for the birth of her third girl. I haven't been able to be there for any of my sister's births which is a big disappointment. I hope that if she has a 4th baby that I can be there for that one. Jocelyn is now 3 weeks old already and is very loved by her parents and her two big sisters, Katelyn and Madelyn. I just hope Brooklyn loves her little sister Layla as much as Katelyn and Madelyn love theirs. I'm still not sure what to think about how Brooklyn will react to having another baby around here. She doesn't like to share her attention but she does love babies in general so maybe she will be excited to have a baby around all the time. That's what I'm praying for at least!
I still do not have Layla's sleeping area set up in our room. It's something we just haven't gotten around to doing and it's really starting to bother me. Part of the problem is Waylon and I not getting our room cleaned up enough to move the 3 pieces of furniture that we need to make up her little living arrangement. She will stay with us in our room (in her own crib) for a few months or however long I end up breast feeding. I don't expect her to stay in there longer than about 3-4 months though. Hopefully by then she will be sleeping through the night regardless of whether she is still breast feeding or not. By then we will have to have a toddler bed for Brooklyn or just put the small crib in the nursery for Layla until she is too big for it. Either way, we are getting Brooklyn a toddler bed for her 2nd birthday and will start training her to sleep in it over the summer. I have a feeling she is going to like it. I hope I'm not wrong!
I have not magically turned into a good house keeper just by not working and being a SAHM. Part of that I know is because I'm pregnant and tired. The other side of it is that Waylon and I have some really poor habits of leaving things out and not putting them back after we're done with them. Neither of us are very organized, tidy people and it shows! I hope to rectify at least the first part of that once I'm recovered from my surgery and adjusted to having another baby around. That may be wishful thinking though!
I do have some anxiety and fear when I think about how much more work it's going to be taking care of two kids instead of one and keeping the house clean on top of that. I'm seeing just how hard it is to be a SAHM and hoping that it will become more natural to me the more I do it. Right now, it doesn't feel very natural to me at all and I just look around and see all the areas I'm failing in. But then I have to remind myself that I've never been a SAHM and have always worked so it's not going to just come naturally to me right away and might never be 100% natural to me. I know that if I ask God to help me with this He will and that I will be a better mother and house keeper and wife only through His strength and guidance.
I think this post has rambled on long enough. If you've read all of this then you are a true friend! I do plan on making a post before next Thursday with some pictures of me here at the end of the pregnancy and more info and pictures of Brooklyn and what she has been up to (I realize I didn't say much about her in this post!).
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Top 10 Things Going On in My Life Right NOW!
I've done the Top 10 Tuesday post once I think and I like reading them but always forget to post one myself. My sister posted one today here about the top 10 things on her mind right now. She's having a baby in 8 days so you can only imagine that there are probably more than 10 things going through her mind right now! lol. So, in true form of mine lately, I'm going to copy my sister and do my own Top 10 Tuesday for things going on in my life right now. You may want to make sure you are sitting down because this is very exciting stuff! haha
Ok, here goes:
1. I'm on maternity leave for the rest of the school year!! I cannot tell you how exciting that is to me. I've had a difficult year in many ways, not just work-related, and adding a pregnancy to it all has just made it more difficult. So to be done going to work everyday is a huge relief to me! The last couple of weeks were stressful though, due to the fact that I had to get all my lesson plans for my substitute. That was a lot of work and I still have not finished it. I will be going up this week to finish things up while we're on spring break. No one will be around and I will be able to focus and get done what I need to without the distractions of grading papers and having students coming in with questions.
2. I resigned from my job and am now officially a SAHM!!! This one really is the #1 most exciting thing going on for me right now BUT, the maternity leave is what is making it possible for me to be home NOW instead of April so I put that as #1. It was so difficult going back to work these last two years and leaving Brooklyn behind for someone else to take care of. I had this huge amount of mommy guilt even though I know that not every mom gets to be a SAHM and that it is completely OK to work and support your family. If I had not worked these past two years, things would have been very difficult for us. My job had been the stable one between mine and Waylon's and we haven't felt at peace about me quitting my job until this year. Had it been up to me, I wouldn't have gone back for the 10-11 school year but Waylon's wisdom overpowered my desire and I stuck with it another year and it ended up being the better choice for us. Of course this means a lot of pinching pennies and really sticking with a budget and cutting back on our lifestyle but that is something I am TOTALLY committed to doing! There was just no way we could have asked my parents to be the full-time day care to both our children and paying for day care for two was out of the question. We will be losing my medical insurance and Waylon doesn't get any through is work currently so we will have to find an alternate option for this but there are several affordable ones I'm looking into right now. I may post about it once I've decided on it and show some comparisons of others I've looked at if I think it might benefit some of you out there. (You know, all my 34 readers who subscribe to me. lol)
3. I'm having a baby in 5 1/2 weeks! Oh my goodness! IS this really happening??? It hasn't sunk in yet that there will be another new born in the house. I'm excited, overwhelmed and nervous all at the same time. I keep hearing that the transition from 1 to 2 kids is the toughest so I'm preparing myself for the struggles I know I will be facing.
4. I'm trying to get a routine going here at our house (now that I'm going to be here many, many hours a day) by using a home management binder. I got the idea from Money Saving Mom and I downloaded her forms and created my own version of it. Once I get it all in order and work out the kinks, I'll post some pictures of it and show it off. Right now, it's still a little messy and I'm not sure I'm going to keep everything the way it is.
5. I've begun couponing in earnest. I've been reading about it all over the internet on all sorts of mommy blogs and now that we will be losing an income, I'm going to need to find every way to save money for us. I've started by focusing on CVS and using their ECB (extra care bucks). This week I'm moving on to grocery stores as I'm in need of a trip to get groceries. I'll admit that it's been a bit overwhelming but I'm not putting any stressful expectations on myself here at the beginning. I'm simply looking to save money on things I need and actually buy. The big savings will come the more I do it. Today I bought a binder and began organizing it. I've got a long ways to go on that one but again, not something I'm rushing into so I'm going to take my time!
6. I'm truly trying to declutter our home. We have this horrible habit of keeping things around that we don't use or need and they end up junking up our house. We live in a meager 1200 square foot home so there isn't a lot of space for junk. We plan on staying in this home for a while so we need to create more space as we add new members to the family. I know I'm not the only one who has this problem but it's such a frustrating issue to have! I have several friends who's houses always seem so neat and clean and uncluttered and I wonder how do I manage to look like I live in a house with pigs?? I don't have an official plan on how I'm going to go about this but I'm trying to just do it slowly and surely.
7. I'm trying to get a blog up and going for the women at our church. I've already posted a couple of posts to the blog but then life got too hectic and I took a break. I'm hoping that now I will have extra time to dedicate to keeping that updated and interesting. You can check it out @ www.gracepointegals.wordpress.com.
8. I'm really enjoying the study through James that I'm doing with the Good Morning Girls group. It's an online study and I'm in a group with two other great women who have been a huge encouragement to me. We email each other daily about the daily verse we have read. We use the S.O.A.P method to study the book and it's been an eye-opening experience. I've really enjoyed it!
9. I'm reading through the New Testament in a year. I wish I remembered where I got the reading plan from because I really like it, but I don't! I found it after I wrote an entire post about three plans I was looking into. I read a chapter a day and they have 2 non-assigned days for any catching up or re-reading you need/want to do. It's been something that was realistic for me to be able to do and I wanted to go with a plan that I could stick with. I'm still a little behind but I'm catching up.
10. I am finally reading a book for fun again! I've really been missing my reading for the past year or so. It's been quite some time since I read a book that really pulled me in and I couldn't put down. I think I've found one that's gonna keep me glued to the pages. I'm reading Stephen King's "Under the Dome" and so far it has been very interesting. I also like that it is over 1000 pages! I love a good book that is long so you can savor reading it for a long time! I won't have hours to read it at a time but I think I will have it done by the time I go in to have Layla. The nice part is that it's from my mom's library which is closing for remodeling so nothing you check out now is due until May 11th! Plenty of time!
So there you have it. 10 things going on in my life right now. I'll leave you with a picture of me currently at 33 weeks and 3 days:
Ok, here goes:
1. I'm on maternity leave for the rest of the school year!! I cannot tell you how exciting that is to me. I've had a difficult year in many ways, not just work-related, and adding a pregnancy to it all has just made it more difficult. So to be done going to work everyday is a huge relief to me! The last couple of weeks were stressful though, due to the fact that I had to get all my lesson plans for my substitute. That was a lot of work and I still have not finished it. I will be going up this week to finish things up while we're on spring break. No one will be around and I will be able to focus and get done what I need to without the distractions of grading papers and having students coming in with questions.
2. I resigned from my job and am now officially a SAHM!!! This one really is the #1 most exciting thing going on for me right now BUT, the maternity leave is what is making it possible for me to be home NOW instead of April so I put that as #1. It was so difficult going back to work these last two years and leaving Brooklyn behind for someone else to take care of. I had this huge amount of mommy guilt even though I know that not every mom gets to be a SAHM and that it is completely OK to work and support your family. If I had not worked these past two years, things would have been very difficult for us. My job had been the stable one between mine and Waylon's and we haven't felt at peace about me quitting my job until this year. Had it been up to me, I wouldn't have gone back for the 10-11 school year but Waylon's wisdom overpowered my desire and I stuck with it another year and it ended up being the better choice for us. Of course this means a lot of pinching pennies and really sticking with a budget and cutting back on our lifestyle but that is something I am TOTALLY committed to doing! There was just no way we could have asked my parents to be the full-time day care to both our children and paying for day care for two was out of the question. We will be losing my medical insurance and Waylon doesn't get any through is work currently so we will have to find an alternate option for this but there are several affordable ones I'm looking into right now. I may post about it once I've decided on it and show some comparisons of others I've looked at if I think it might benefit some of you out there. (You know, all my 34 readers who subscribe to me. lol)
3. I'm having a baby in 5 1/2 weeks! Oh my goodness! IS this really happening??? It hasn't sunk in yet that there will be another new born in the house. I'm excited, overwhelmed and nervous all at the same time. I keep hearing that the transition from 1 to 2 kids is the toughest so I'm preparing myself for the struggles I know I will be facing.
4. I'm trying to get a routine going here at our house (now that I'm going to be here many, many hours a day) by using a home management binder. I got the idea from Money Saving Mom and I downloaded her forms and created my own version of it. Once I get it all in order and work out the kinks, I'll post some pictures of it and show it off. Right now, it's still a little messy and I'm not sure I'm going to keep everything the way it is.
5. I've begun couponing in earnest. I've been reading about it all over the internet on all sorts of mommy blogs and now that we will be losing an income, I'm going to need to find every way to save money for us. I've started by focusing on CVS and using their ECB (extra care bucks). This week I'm moving on to grocery stores as I'm in need of a trip to get groceries. I'll admit that it's been a bit overwhelming but I'm not putting any stressful expectations on myself here at the beginning. I'm simply looking to save money on things I need and actually buy. The big savings will come the more I do it. Today I bought a binder and began organizing it. I've got a long ways to go on that one but again, not something I'm rushing into so I'm going to take my time!
6. I'm truly trying to declutter our home. We have this horrible habit of keeping things around that we don't use or need and they end up junking up our house. We live in a meager 1200 square foot home so there isn't a lot of space for junk. We plan on staying in this home for a while so we need to create more space as we add new members to the family. I know I'm not the only one who has this problem but it's such a frustrating issue to have! I have several friends who's houses always seem so neat and clean and uncluttered and I wonder how do I manage to look like I live in a house with pigs?? I don't have an official plan on how I'm going to go about this but I'm trying to just do it slowly and surely.
7. I'm trying to get a blog up and going for the women at our church. I've already posted a couple of posts to the blog but then life got too hectic and I took a break. I'm hoping that now I will have extra time to dedicate to keeping that updated and interesting. You can check it out @ www.gracepointegals.wordpress.com.
8. I'm really enjoying the study through James that I'm doing with the Good Morning Girls group. It's an online study and I'm in a group with two other great women who have been a huge encouragement to me. We email each other daily about the daily verse we have read. We use the S.O.A.P method to study the book and it's been an eye-opening experience. I've really enjoyed it!
9. I'm reading through the New Testament in a year. I wish I remembered where I got the reading plan from because I really like it, but I don't! I found it after I wrote an entire post about three plans I was looking into. I read a chapter a day and they have 2 non-assigned days for any catching up or re-reading you need/want to do. It's been something that was realistic for me to be able to do and I wanted to go with a plan that I could stick with. I'm still a little behind but I'm catching up.
10. I am finally reading a book for fun again! I've really been missing my reading for the past year or so. It's been quite some time since I read a book that really pulled me in and I couldn't put down. I think I've found one that's gonna keep me glued to the pages. I'm reading Stephen King's "Under the Dome" and so far it has been very interesting. I also like that it is over 1000 pages! I love a good book that is long so you can savor reading it for a long time! I won't have hours to read it at a time but I think I will have it done by the time I go in to have Layla. The nice part is that it's from my mom's library which is closing for remodeling so nothing you check out now is due until May 11th! Plenty of time!
So there you have it. 10 things going on in my life right now. I'll leave you with a picture of me currently at 33 weeks and 3 days:
I think there's a baby in there!! :)
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Who I WANT to be and what this year might bring. A rambling post.
The internet has really changed a lot of things in our lives these days. One of those is the ability for us to take peeks into other people's lives via social networking and blogs. I'll admit that I'm addicted to both, although you might not think so if you read my blog and see how sporadically I post as of late. But yes, I'm addicted to blogs, or I should say, reading OTHER people's blogs. Namely, mommy bloggers who have it all "together" - or so it seems compared to my life.
I read their blogs and see all the things they accomplish and how clean their houses are and all the great things they do with their kids and the fact that they still have time to blog and look great! It's really something that I get jealous of...which I hate to admit! I don't like admitting to being envious of other mom's lives. I feel like if I do, it means I'm not happy with my life and that I'm ungrateful for all the great things God has blessed me with. And yet, I struggle with the green-eyed monster. I struggle with negative feelings towards those who are doing what I wish I could be doing - not working full-time and getting to be home more with my daughter (soon to be daughters). I'm happy here. I have no desire to move anywhere else. I can see us building a life for ourselves here and that gives me the warm fuzzies.
But.
I find myself at a cross roads. What AM I meant to do? I struggle with the desire to be a stay-at-home-mom and worry if that's really what is best for me and our family. Sure, there is the financial side to worry about but I have complete faith in God that if He does have planned for me to be a SAHM, He will provide a job for Waylon that will meet our needs (along with us being willing to sacrifice and be better stewards of our money). But I also wonder if staying at home with my kids will be something that I am able to do. I see the moms on the blogs I read who seem to run a household so easily and make it look fun. Yet, when I try to run my household (during long breaks or, during our 4 day snow-pocalypse break from work) I find it hard and frustrating and that it does not come naturally to me. I'm not a naturally organized person. I have a cluttered, messy home. I don't keep to schedules or routines well (unless it's a work routine). If I know I'm going to be home all day, I have no desire to put presentable clothes on, comb my hair, brush my teeth or wear an ounce of makeup. So does this mean I will be a failure if/when I get to be a stay at home mom?
I also struggle with the desire to find a new and interesting job/career and go back to school to take more classes. If you looked at my college record, you would see that I have had 6 majors and I graduated with 208 college credits - needing only 128 for my degree. I'm easily swayed into new fields of study and new career opportunities. My job history will also show you an array of different interests in jobs. Most of which I really enjoyed and was really good at! I always strived to become the best at whatever I was doing and could usually reach that goal and be amongst the top workers wherever I was working at the time. I took pride in that. Teaching is a whole different type of job though. There is no "ladder of success" to climb. All teachers are equal and there is no seniority or moving up - unless you're talking about going from teaching to counseling or being a principal, which involves more school and a master's degree. That aspect about my current job takes away one of my biggest drives when I have a job - pushing to see how good I can get at something and achieving the next goal. For someone like myself who is very task-oriented, teaching can be very frustrating. This is not to say that teaching has not been extremely rewarding to me and that I have gained no personal growth from it. That would be a huge lie! I've learned SO MUCH from my four years teaching. But I don't think I'm cut out to be a teacher long term. I see that now. I will miss the summer breaks and a week off for Thanksgiving and two weeks off for Christmas and another week off for Spring break and all the little days of sprinkled throughout the school year...but I don't think I will miss the job itself. It's just not me. I feel a void right now that is very disconcerting.
The good news is that I have 4 weeks of work left until I go on maternity leave for the rest of this school year. I look forward to it for many reasons. I was supposed to meet with my principal two weeks ago on one of the days we were out due to bad weather to tell him my intentions of resigning after this school year. I've already told my department head as well as our supervisor (one of the assistant principals). It felt really great to get that off my chest and out in the open! The possibilities seem endless right now. I know that for now I won't be able to be a full-time SAHM so I will have to find at least a part-time job until we are financially stable enough for me to quit working completely. But then there's that little question nagging me in the back of my head, asking me: "Do you really think you can handle being a full-time SAHM?" The answer to that is: I truly don't know. If I had to give a definitive answer right this second, based on my feelings, I would have to say No. I could not handle being home all day everyday with my kids. But I serve a much more powerful God than my little feelings. If God truly has plans for me to be home with my kids and become a full-time housewife, then He can change my feelings and my heart and my focus and make me into a housewife extraordinaire...or just a regular housewife who isn't perfect at everything and still struggles with day to day chores. That sounds more like it.
I feel like I'm rambling at this point so I want to stop writing before this gets really out of hand. I guess I just needed to get some thoughts out there into cyberspace for all of you who read my blog to know and pray about for me. This year is going to be a year full of new things for our family. To be honest, the reality of having a second baby simply has not sunk in yet. It hasn't become real to me yet. I have 2 months to mentally prepare and then it's game time. Waylon just started a new job and we don't know if this is THE job for him or if it's another transitional stepping stone job like his last one. Either way, we are so grateful he has one now and that his last job was a preparation for this new one as they are very similar. He also works for a very nice Christian man, which is always a plus!
So if you feel led to, please pray for us as we are coming into a new phase of our lives. I will no longer be the "bread winner" of our family - working full-time and failing at house-wiving. I will take my proper role in our marriage and Waylon will step up to take the reigns on the working front. He has been extremely supportive of me these last two years and has done his part in going to school to finish his degree (although he still has 4 classes left to graduate). I am excited, anxious and just a little petrified of what this year will bring for us. But I know God is in control and He's not going to throw anything at us that we can't handle with His help.
I read their blogs and see all the things they accomplish and how clean their houses are and all the great things they do with their kids and the fact that they still have time to blog and look great! It's really something that I get jealous of...which I hate to admit! I don't like admitting to being envious of other mom's lives. I feel like if I do, it means I'm not happy with my life and that I'm ungrateful for all the great things God has blessed me with. And yet, I struggle with the green-eyed monster. I struggle with negative feelings towards those who are doing what I wish I could be doing - not working full-time and getting to be home more with my daughter (soon to be daughters). I'm happy here. I have no desire to move anywhere else. I can see us building a life for ourselves here and that gives me the warm fuzzies.
But.
I find myself at a cross roads. What AM I meant to do? I struggle with the desire to be a stay-at-home-mom and worry if that's really what is best for me and our family. Sure, there is the financial side to worry about but I have complete faith in God that if He does have planned for me to be a SAHM, He will provide a job for Waylon that will meet our needs (along with us being willing to sacrifice and be better stewards of our money). But I also wonder if staying at home with my kids will be something that I am able to do. I see the moms on the blogs I read who seem to run a household so easily and make it look fun. Yet, when I try to run my household (during long breaks or, during our 4 day snow-pocalypse break from work) I find it hard and frustrating and that it does not come naturally to me. I'm not a naturally organized person. I have a cluttered, messy home. I don't keep to schedules or routines well (unless it's a work routine). If I know I'm going to be home all day, I have no desire to put presentable clothes on, comb my hair, brush my teeth or wear an ounce of makeup. So does this mean I will be a failure if/when I get to be a stay at home mom?
I also struggle with the desire to find a new and interesting job/career and go back to school to take more classes. If you looked at my college record, you would see that I have had 6 majors and I graduated with 208 college credits - needing only 128 for my degree. I'm easily swayed into new fields of study and new career opportunities. My job history will also show you an array of different interests in jobs. Most of which I really enjoyed and was really good at! I always strived to become the best at whatever I was doing and could usually reach that goal and be amongst the top workers wherever I was working at the time. I took pride in that. Teaching is a whole different type of job though. There is no "ladder of success" to climb. All teachers are equal and there is no seniority or moving up - unless you're talking about going from teaching to counseling or being a principal, which involves more school and a master's degree. That aspect about my current job takes away one of my biggest drives when I have a job - pushing to see how good I can get at something and achieving the next goal. For someone like myself who is very task-oriented, teaching can be very frustrating. This is not to say that teaching has not been extremely rewarding to me and that I have gained no personal growth from it. That would be a huge lie! I've learned SO MUCH from my four years teaching. But I don't think I'm cut out to be a teacher long term. I see that now. I will miss the summer breaks and a week off for Thanksgiving and two weeks off for Christmas and another week off for Spring break and all the little days of sprinkled throughout the school year...but I don't think I will miss the job itself. It's just not me. I feel a void right now that is very disconcerting.
The good news is that I have 4 weeks of work left until I go on maternity leave for the rest of this school year. I look forward to it for many reasons. I was supposed to meet with my principal two weeks ago on one of the days we were out due to bad weather to tell him my intentions of resigning after this school year. I've already told my department head as well as our supervisor (one of the assistant principals). It felt really great to get that off my chest and out in the open! The possibilities seem endless right now. I know that for now I won't be able to be a full-time SAHM so I will have to find at least a part-time job until we are financially stable enough for me to quit working completely. But then there's that little question nagging me in the back of my head, asking me: "Do you really think you can handle being a full-time SAHM?" The answer to that is: I truly don't know. If I had to give a definitive answer right this second, based on my feelings, I would have to say No. I could not handle being home all day everyday with my kids. But I serve a much more powerful God than my little feelings. If God truly has plans for me to be home with my kids and become a full-time housewife, then He can change my feelings and my heart and my focus and make me into a housewife extraordinaire...or just a regular housewife who isn't perfect at everything and still struggles with day to day chores. That sounds more like it.
I feel like I'm rambling at this point so I want to stop writing before this gets really out of hand. I guess I just needed to get some thoughts out there into cyberspace for all of you who read my blog to know and pray about for me. This year is going to be a year full of new things for our family. To be honest, the reality of having a second baby simply has not sunk in yet. It hasn't become real to me yet. I have 2 months to mentally prepare and then it's game time. Waylon just started a new job and we don't know if this is THE job for him or if it's another transitional stepping stone job like his last one. Either way, we are so grateful he has one now and that his last job was a preparation for this new one as they are very similar. He also works for a very nice Christian man, which is always a plus!
So if you feel led to, please pray for us as we are coming into a new phase of our lives. I will no longer be the "bread winner" of our family - working full-time and failing at house-wiving. I will take my proper role in our marriage and Waylon will step up to take the reigns on the working front. He has been extremely supportive of me these last two years and has done his part in going to school to finish his degree (although he still has 4 classes left to graduate). I am excited, anxious and just a little petrified of what this year will bring for us. But I know God is in control and He's not going to throw anything at us that we can't handle with His help.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Living in a bipolar state (NOT state of mind!).
No, I'm not talking about myself. I'm not bipolar. But the state I live in is. Texas is well known for having bipolar weather. Hot for a few days, then freezing temps for a day or two and then back in the 70's. That's just the way things go around here.
You would never guess that this picture was taken two days before we had below freezing temps and 4 days of roads covered in ice and snow, would you? (By the way, isn't she just the cutest little spring chick you've ever seen??)
You would never guess that this picture was taken two days before we had below freezing temps and 4 days of roads covered in ice and snow, would you? (By the way, isn't she just the cutest little spring chick you've ever seen??)
Yes, I live in Texas, and it's bipolar. The weather changes drastically on a regular basis, especially during the winter/spring months. Unfortunately, we never have drastic changes in our weather over the summer. It's very consistent then with temps over a 100 for several days, sometimes weeks!
But I wouldn't live anywhere else to be quite honest. I love my bipolar state.
After spending 4 days out of work last week due to the weather, it looks like we just might get another snow day or two this week as well. Tonight we are expected to have freezing rain and snow through the afternoon tomorrow. The temps won't get up past freezing until Friday so that means anything that falls tonight and tomorrow will still be around Thursday, making all roads very dangerous for driving on. I'm not counting on the day off tomorrow so I will still go to bed at a decent hour, just in case. But I sure am hoping!
Counting this week I only have 5 weeks till I go on maternity leave. 5 WEEKS!!! I can't believe it's this close already. Wow. I will still have a month of maternity leave before Layla arrives (assuming she waits till my scheduled c-section) but I'm very much looking forward to my maternity leave. Yes, I am.
This week, assuming the weather doesn't screw it up again, I will have my 1 hour glucose test. That appointment was cancelled last week because it was on one of the days that we had bad weather. I also had Brooklyn's 18 month appointment scheduled for the same day and yes, that one was cancelled as well. Now I have them both back on Friday and am hoping we won't have to reschedule anything! I'm ready to get this glucose test out of the way!
Here's hoping I get a call at 6am tomorrow telling me my school is closed due to inclement weather!
Friday, January 28, 2011
27 Week update on my pregnancy
I can't believe I'm already 27 weeks! This pregnancy is flying by unlike anything I've ever seen! Each Saturday when I hit my next week of pregnancy I'm amazed that yet another week has come and gone and I'm that much closer to meeting this little soccer-playing princess in my belly!
I'm happy to report that this time around, I'm not experiencing a lot of the negative symptoms I was experiencing by or before this time of my first pregnancy. For one, I have yet to get the tingling hands/fingers and wrist problems. My hands are starting to swell but it's barely noticeable and I'm still able to wear my wedding ring. I haven't noticed any considerable swelling in my ankles or feet but they are starting to take on a puffier look.
The things I AM experiencing are trouble talking for long periods of time (which makes for a really hard time as a teacher!), sciatic nerve pain, discomfort sleeping, increasingly frequent need to pee, occasional heartburn and itchy skin. I also have noticed an increase in my headaches but I don't know if that's just the stress from my job lately or the pregnancy. Either way, Tylenol has actually been working for me lately. Miracle of miracles!
This coming Tesday, February 1st, I have my 1 hour glucose test and monthly check-up. I'm not nervous because I highly doubt I will fail the test. I passed it with flying colors the last time and I don't see it being any different this time around. Of course, I'm also preparing myself for if I do have to go back for the 3 hour test, just in case. My sister was recently diagnosed with GD and is having to test her blood 4 times a day and is on a new diet. It seems to be working very well for her and hasn't been a huge inconvenience for her at all so I'm not going to freak out if I end up with it as well. I just don't think I will. I definitely think that if I wasn't working through this pregnancy, I probably would have a higher chance at getting it simply because I would be at home and probably eat a lot more throughout the day and it wouldn't be healthy food! Right now, I can only eat what I take with me to work and I try to choose healthy snacks that keep me full. One of my favorites right now is low fat mozzarella string cheese sticks. Keeping my fingers crossed and praying everything goes well!
As of right now, I have 12 weeks till I have Layla. I'm scheduled for a c-section on either April 20th or 21st (depending on their schedule). That's 10 days before my due date which seems early considering I was only 1 day early with Brooklyn. I'm not complaining though! As long as Layla is healthy and the doctor says everything looks good, I'm comfortable with this decision. I wouldn't want to schedule anything earlier then that unless there were some sort of complications, which I'm praying there won't be.
I've been approved for my maternity leave to start April 4th and will "officially" return June 3rd, just in time to check my room out and get signed off for the end of the school year. I'm very excited about this. :) I could possibly be taking off two weeks before April 4th too, depending on some things. I will be speaking with my OB about this on Tuesday. I can't say that I would be disappointed AT ALL if this happened. This means that my last week of work would be the second week of March! The 3rd week is spring break so that wouldn't count against me either, so I would be getting a bonus week in there. If this were the case, I will only have 6 weeks of work left until I'm on leave. If it doesn't work out that way, I'll have 9 full weeks of work (not counting that week of spring break). Either way, that doesn't leave me much time to prepare for the sub and get everything ready for the rest of the school year! Yikes!
Here's a picture of me that I just took from our iMac webcam (my hair looks horrible today so I cut my head out of the picture!)
Please ignore the slight messiness of our office. It's actually considerably better than it used to be when Waylon worked out of it! This is one of my new maternity tops I bought from Old Navy. It's very comfy. As you can see, I'm filling out quite nicely! I will be officially 27 weeks tomorrow.
There are still lots of things I need to get done, some I'm probably not even aware of at the moment, but I'm probably going to end up leaving those for when I'm on maternity leave. That's just the way it will go, I know it. It's hard to get things done during the week because Brooklyn goes to bed at 7 and most of the work needs to be done in her room. That leaves the weekends, which we have been using to get other parts of the house worked on. (like the garage we cleaned this past week - it looks so much better!)
I do still need to buy a double stroller and we need to figure out how we're going to keep Brooklyn and Layla's clothes all in the same room. It's overflowing at the moment and we already have a hard time with clothing control in our own room.
If you read my sister's blog, you'll notice that she just posted a 31 week update of her pregnancy and it may seem like I'm copying her. Well, I am! I realized I hadn't posted an official update of my pregnancy until I read her blog and had a 'duh' moment. So, Melissa, I hope you don't mind me copying your idea! I did give you credit though and post a link to your blog, so you can't be too mad, OK?
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