This post is going to be pretty rambling, long and random so you will just have to bear with me here.
Today is Thursday, April 14, exactly one week from my scheduled c-section to bring little Layla Paige into the world. I've also been on maternity leave for 5 full weeks as of tomorrow. I can't believe I haven't worked in over a month. That seems crazy to me. What's even crazier is that I won't be going back. It hasn't sunk in yet. The school year is still going on and I'm still doing things for work and checking in (mostly via computer) to make sure all is moving smoothly in my classes. Until this school year is over I won't feel like I'm completely "done" working. Until then, I am enjoying my time off greatly and things seem to be going as good as can be expected with my classes.
I'll admit that I've gotten a little bored here over the past couple of weeks since I don't do a whole lot and it's gotten harder and harder for me to get out and about and do things. I end up being either at my house or my parent's house most of every day. If I'm home alone all day with Brooklyn, I have major mommy guilt for not being able to do more than sit and watch TV with her. I know so many women who were very active at the end of their pregnancies but I'm not one of those! I started having difficulty breathing well long before I went on maternity leave and things haven't improved in that department. I still feel short of breath almost all day and that keeps me from being able to do anything, mainly because I get light headed and feel like I'm going to pass out if I put out too much physical effort. I feel like such a wimp! So our days consist mainly of watching a lot of Dora, laying on the couch together (well, I lay and Brooklyn lays, crawls and climbs all over me) or sitting in the recliner or napping. I have taken to napping whenever Brooklyn is napping because I'm back to having the very lethargic, sleepy feeling several times a day. This could be just pregnancy related OR it could be that Brooklyn is going through a horrible sleeping phase and I my huge stomach prevents me from being able to get very comfortable each night. Or it could be a combination of all of those! Either way, taking a nap is a MUST every day if I'm going to keep a shred of sanity.
Let me just list some of the lovely pregnancy side effects I've been dealing with lately:
- severe heart burn
- round ligament pain in my abdomen (causing a trip to L&D when I thought something must be wrong)
- sciatic nerve pain
- shortness of breath/difficulty breathing
- the beginning of swelling in my hands and feet
- tennis elbow in my right arm
- sharp, shooting pain in the back of my right calf (yes, the right side of my body hates me right now)
- random contractions, usually while I am doing any kind of walking or physically exerting activity
- leaking breast milk (yay for this lovely symptom)
- itchy skin (mainly on my stomach)
I think that's a pretty comprehensive list at this point. Nothing out of the ordinary but quite tiresome nonetheless. All the discomfort of my pregnancy with Brooklyn has been flooding back into my memory. It's true what they say about forgetting how miserable pregnancy was right after you have the baby and you're all "goo-goo" over the baby. What they don't mention is that it all comes back during your next pregnancy when you start going through it all again!
I remember now why I kept saying I didn't want to get pregnant again for a very long time at the end last time. I'm singing that same tune right now. This time I mean it though. Unless God intervenes, I won't be having the next baby close together like I did the first two. I would like to wait a full two years before even contemplating pregnancy. Then, if it happens, Layla will already be older than Brooklyn is right now and almost 3 years old by the time #3 came along. But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here...ahem...
Things I'm looking forward to:
- Finally laying my eyes on this little girl I've been carrying around for 9 months! (And who has been kicking the living day lights out of me for several months now)
- Being able to breathe again!
- Getting rid of the ugly, puffy scar from my first c-section. My OB used dissolvable staples last time and my skin keloided (puffed up and made a really ugly scar) really bad. She is going to cut that scar out and this time suture me up with a synthetic string that they will take out a week after my surgery. She thinks this might heal without all the puffy redness. I sure hope so!
- Not bumping into things with my stomach!
- Being able to get up and around the house and do stuff without it feeling like I just ran a marathon!
- Sleeping on my stomach and back again!
- Not having the sciatic nerve pain I've been dealing with (hopefully it really goes away - my sister's actually got worse after she had Jocelyn)
- Getting into our new "normal" with two kids. I haven't felt like I could get into a routine around here because I know it's not going to stay that way for very long. Once Layla is here, I can actually start working on getting a good routine going for us.
In other news, my sister had her beautiful baby girl on March 23rd. Jocelyn Abigail arrived by c-section around 8:53am weighing in at 8 lbs 13 ozs. My sister doesn't make small babies! She is beautiful and I'm totally bummed I was unable to be there for the birth of her third girl. I haven't been able to be there for any of my sister's births which is a big disappointment. I hope that if she has a 4th baby that I can be there for that one. Jocelyn is now 3 weeks old already and is very loved by her parents and her two big sisters, Katelyn and Madelyn. I just hope Brooklyn loves her little sister Layla as much as Katelyn and Madelyn love theirs. I'm still not sure what to think about how Brooklyn will react to having another baby around here. She doesn't like to share her attention but she does love babies in general so maybe she will be excited to have a baby around all the time. That's what I'm praying for at least!
I still do not have Layla's sleeping area set up in our room. It's something we just haven't gotten around to doing and it's really starting to bother me. Part of the problem is Waylon and I not getting our room cleaned up enough to move the 3 pieces of furniture that we need to make up her little living arrangement. She will stay with us in our room (in her own crib) for a few months or however long I end up breast feeding. I don't expect her to stay in there longer than about 3-4 months though. Hopefully by then she will be sleeping through the night regardless of whether she is still breast feeding or not. By then we will have to have a toddler bed for Brooklyn or just put the small crib in the nursery for Layla until she is too big for it. Either way, we are getting Brooklyn a toddler bed for her 2nd birthday and will start training her to sleep in it over the summer. I have a feeling she is going to like it. I hope I'm not wrong!
I have not magically turned into a good house keeper just by not working and being a SAHM. Part of that I know is because I'm pregnant and tired. The other side of it is that Waylon and I have some really poor habits of leaving things out and not putting them back after we're done with them. Neither of us are very organized, tidy people and it shows! I hope to rectify at least the first part of that once I'm recovered from my surgery and adjusted to having another baby around. That may be wishful thinking though!
I do have some anxiety and fear when I think about how much more work it's going to be taking care of two kids instead of one and keeping the house clean on top of that. I'm seeing just how hard it is to be a SAHM and hoping that it will become more natural to me the more I do it. Right now, it doesn't feel very natural to me at all and I just look around and see all the areas I'm failing in. But then I have to remind myself that I've never been a SAHM and have always worked so it's not going to just come naturally to me right away and might never be 100% natural to me. I know that if I ask God to help me with this He will and that I will be a better mother and house keeper and wife only through His strength and guidance.
I think this post has rambled on long enough. If you've read all of this then you are a true friend! I do plan on making a post before next Thursday with some pictures of me here at the end of the pregnancy and more info and pictures of Brooklyn and what she has been up to (I realize I didn't say much about her in this post!).