Monday, February 16, 2009

upgrades & downgrades

I have had some changes as of late in my pregnancy and life in general. Some have been upgrades (positive changes) and some have been downgrades (negative).

upgrade: today was the first Monday I have NOT had a horrible headache!
downgrade: in exchange for not having a headache, I ended up staying at work until almost 6pm because it's been the first day I've felt good enough to stay after school and try to get caught up on my grading. That was tiring!
upgrade: I have been feeling Brooklyn move a lot more! I haven't been able to distinguish between kicks and punches and her just rolling over yet. It feels more like she's just changing positions and moving from one side to the other, but either way, it's SO cool!
downgrade: meat has been sounding less and less appealing to me lately. I know I need my protein but I simply do not want to eat meat of any kind.
upgrade: I got a Boppy body pillow. It's amazing. I've been able to sleep through the night without taking the sleeping pills for the past 4 nights!
downgrade: that wonderful pillow cost $50. I'm sure I could have found it somewhere other than Target for cheaper, but I was desperate for something to help with the sleep so I just bought it.
upgrade: along with sleeping better, I've had fewer trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night. In fact, last night, I didn't get up once! I went this morning when I got up for work for the first time all night!! (makes me think of little kids making it through the night without pottying in their pants! lol)
downgrade: even with me cutting some things out of my life temporarily, my life seems to be getting busier and busier and I have had less and less free time. Last week was the busiest week I've had in a very long time. There wasn't one night that I was able to just go home and sit and relax and go to bed when I should have. I was out doing things I had to get done and most nights out well past my bedtime (which has been 9-9:30 pm lately).
upgrade: I caught an AMAZING sale at JC Penny's yesterday where I found some super cheap maternity clothes. For example: maternity jeans - $4.97, cute maternity top - $1.97 . When all was said and done, I got 5 articles of clothing (all maternity clothes that I can wear to work) for $23, and that was including tax!
downgrade: my apartment is a complete disaster. It's embarassing, even for me. Right now there is an unidentified bad smell of which I cannot seem to locate the source. It's driving me crazy and it's nasty. I can't even believe I'm admiting it on here...

I think that all I will write about that for now. You get the picture though. I honestly do feel though that the more I try to cut out of my life so that I can simplify and keep my sanity, the busier I feel and the more things I find that I have to do and aren't an option anymore. One thing I am doing this week that I want to do and have been really waiting for a free saturday for is going over to visit Renay and her new little girl Claire. Renay had Claire at the very end of December and I was there at the hospital and got to visit with Renay afterwards and see Claire from the nursery window but I never go to see her up close and hold her. Now she's well over a month old and it looks like I'm finally going to get to go over there Saturday and see her! I'm really excited! This gets me so pumped up for having my baby girl. :)

I've also been struggling a bit with my job. As a teacher, you can't just go to work having a bad day and hide at your desk and just do your work and get through the day without really having to interact with people. I have to be "on" everyday, 6 periods a day. I'm finding that harder and harder to do. My energy level, especially emotional which is what drains me the most in this job, is dwindeling away to nothing right now. To make matters worse, there's a heavy dose of apathy going around amongst the students right now and it's really starting frustrate me. It was on my mind all weekend after having graded a particularly bad batch of quizzes. I vented with Waylon about how difficult this was for me and what I could do to get them to get out of the apathy pit. I prayed about it and asked God to give me back the energy and care and desire I started the year with so that I could go back in today and try to get them motivated and wanting to do better. I felt a lot better going into work this morning having done that and then I just made myself have a "talk" with every single class period about their grades and the lack of effort I was seeing. I tried not to be "nasty" about it or come across as "yelling" at them because I know that sometimes that just makes matters worse. I was very pointed and honest with them though. It felt good to get it off my chest and to see that they were listening (at least they seemed to be) and some were even nodding their heads and agreeing with me. I told them I was going to start doing some things differently to see if a different approach on my part would make a difference but that they would also have to change their approach as students and start putting in more effort and study time outside of class. I sure hope this talk helps. I can't do this too often, it drains me. I was glad when the day was over. I felt better and I know at least a handful of kids from each class walked out with a little more determination to do better. If just a few from each class start doing better, it will be a good step forward. Teaching is exhausting!!
sorry I went on so much about it....

As far as my personal life goes, I myself am feeling quite a bit of apathy in several areas. The first and most obvious area would be the upkeeping of my home. Our apartment (as aforementioned in my downgrades) is an absolute MESS. I'm not talking about a few things strewn about here and there. I'm talking masses of "stuff" that has no place just thrown everywhere. I still have a stack of clothes in my office from when I unpacked from one of my trips in January in there!! We have our old, non-working TV just sitting in the middle of the office, waiting to have something done with it. There are dirty dishes in the sink and our kitchen table is covered with mail and random stuff that needs to be put away. Our living room is completely disorganized. It's just depressing being here. I won't even get into the details of how messy my bedroom is. There are still piles of clothes laying around that I need to smell my way through to know whether or not they are clean or dirty! ugh!!! Another area I've had no motivation in is getting back into working out. I know that while you're pregnant you're not supposed to work out to lose weight or do anything too strenuous (not that THAT would ever be something I would have to worry about!) but, I do know that it would help me feel better if I did at least 30 minutes of aerobic activity 3 or 4 times a week. we have a workout center here at my apartment but I just don't go. I get home and think about it and then decide to take advantage of the little free time I have by resting and relaxing at home. I really need to step up and do some exercise. I may have to start with small goals like working out twice this week. Then next week bump it up to working out three times for 2 weeks in a row or something. Maybe if I give myself a reward for doing that I'll be more motivated. lol.

Next week I have my first dentist appointment with my new dentist. I haven't been to see a dentist in a while so I'm not looking forward to this. The longer you wait, the more painful a cleaning is. I think this appointment will be more to determine whether or not I have TMJ and if that's affecting my headaches any. The week after that I will already be going to my next OB visit! Time is flying by! At that point I'll already be 5 months pregnant!! I can't believe it! being here at this point seemed so far away to me when I first found out I was pregnant. I remember thinking how far away completing my 1st trimester seemed to me at 5 weeks when I first found out. Now I'm at 19 weeks already, almost halfway! I get more and more excited with each passing day.

I'm going to go ahead and stop here before I write an entire novel's worth in one blog entry. The whole time I've been sitting here typing this, Brooklyn has been tossing and turning and I've been enjoying feeling all the movement. She definitely gets more active when I'm sitting and being still. I think the computer was pushing into my stomach earlier and she was pushing against it in an effort to let me know she did not appreciate it. lol

My next blog probably won't be for a few more days since this one was so long. Hopefully I won't wait for more than a week though. :)

Steph

10 comments:

Aileen said...

I was tired when I finished reading your blog! I know your work is exausting, I hope you can pace yourself until the end of the year and not wear yourself out. About your house, maybe doing a little each day would help getting it back in shape. Set some goals each day to what you're going to clean! It's not easy, but it is doable!

Lydia said...

I'm glad that your basically feeling better and sleeping better. The next several weeks should be the best of the pregnancy, until you get really big, then you're just uncomfortable all the time. :) You don't have to eat meat to get protein, there's other options if you like things like cheese and beans. That's very awesome that you got such a good deal on maternity clothes! I need to be looking for some maternity jeans, I only have one pair and I have officially outgrown my regular ones.
I do feel your pain with the teaching aspect. It's much more draining than most people realize. I hope your students start getting their acts together. The hardest for me was when I started off the school year before Garrett was born in August. And the a/c in my classroom wasn't working!! Those were a miserable 3 weeks before I went on maternity leave.
Yay for Brooklyn moving alot! Cooper does too. He does not appreciate Garrett sitting on my lap one bit. :) I hope things start slowing down for you some.

Betsy said...

I hear ya on the housework. Cleaning sucks! What your mom said about setting goals each day is the only way I get any cleaning and laundry done! It's even harder when you're pregnant. If we didn't live 4 hours away I'd be over in a heart beat to give you a hand!

Melissa@MamaMonoblogs said...

Wow! I agree w/mom being tired after reading this. I think you did great by having a talk with your class. You can only do so much and take on so much responsibility for how your students choose to do in your classroom. They are highschoolers and know better. I agree with everyone else in saying to set small goals each day on cleaning up. Start with the kitchen. bathroom and laundry. Then the living room then the bedroom etc etc. I can help you while I'm here if you want. Just pick a couple of nights or days and we'll go to town! LOL Does mom have a key? I could go during the day while you're at work. Anyway, you do have to prioritize. Pick the things that bother you/ need to be done for the sake of hygiene the most and do those. Let the rest go for now.
Keep it up. You're almost there!!

Anonymous said...

Where did you get Brooklyn, is it because that is where they are this season on the Real World?

Guess Family said...

I bought the Snoogle body pillow and it was the best investment I ever made. I slept so much better. It was great when I started getting bigger because it gave my tummy the support it needed. It even came in handy after Quinton was born! I ended up having to have a c-section and it made sleeping and feeding him way easier.
I totally empathize with tthe student apathy problem! I have a whole group of 8th graders who could care less about school. This week for some reason they have decided to push every boundary possible. Hang in there and just know you can't reach all of them no matter how hard you try. It isn't your fault!!

Stef and Jared said...

Hey! I am so sorry i have not read your blog in a while... i kept meaning to! life is so busy!well they are read now! im so happy for you and brooklyn!!! however im sorry things are crazy!!! tis life and confessions of a pregnant teacher! =) i miss you guys! i pray for yall all the time... i bet it feels amazing to feel your baby move all the time... im so glad we know what it is now! i hope you have energy this morning... and with teaching you are right... you can't have bad day! and it sucks! =) love you girl! you have a million prayers behind you!

Stef and Jared said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
robineilene said...

You are just enough ahead of me that I have loved having your blog so that I know what to look forward to! (I'm 17 weeks and 2 days today!) Anyway, I read that you had really bad headaches too! My doctor told me to expect this, but how long did it last? I couldn't even go to work today because I had such a bad migraine that it made me throw up! All day long my head has just ached no matter how many Tylenol I take!

And P.S. I'm so with you on the teaching thing. It's getting harder and harder to "bring it" because I'm SO exhausted all the time!! I feel your pain on ALL of this! :)

robineilene said...

I'm due August 1st, and I'm SOOOO anxious to find out what I'm having! My gut says boy for sure, but I'll let you know!