Saturday, September 12, 2009

Thank you notes...

I don't watch the late night shows very often but we watched the Jimmy Fallon show last night and he did this hilarious bit where he wrote out a bunch of Thank You notes to people/companies/random things and they were very sarcastic thank yous and very funny. I was cracking up! So now I'm going to do my own version of it here on my blog. We'll see if it turns into a weekly thing.

Ok, here goes:

Thank you Worthington clothing brand for making me have to buy a skirt two sizes bigger than what I wore before my pregnancy. I know it has nothing to do with the fact that I haven't lost all of my pregnancy weight and that your sizes are just faulty. I appreciate the boost to my self-esteem. I will thoroughly enjoy cutting the tag off so I'm not reminded of what size I'm wearing and so no one else will know either.

Thank you top shelf above my refrigerator for being just far enough back and just high enough to be out of my reach. I can't put anything inside you that I need on a regular basis because I would have to climb a chair to get to you. I love to just look at you though. You look fantastic. Fantastically useless.

Thank you Rowf for putting one of your raw hide bones in every single room of the house. You are so clever. Now you have something to chew on in every room, heaven forbid you go without chewing on something for a while. I love how sticky and soggy they get right after you've been chewing on them for an hour and they stick to fabric and just about everything they touch. It's a nice surprise when I go to pick one up and it slimes my hand. I truly appreciate that... A LOT!

Thank you mail person for brining me awesome junk mail and bills everyday. I know that someday you're going to bring me something truly amazing like a nice big fat check or a free cruise. Those have all probably just gotten lost somewhere and will eventually make it to my nice, black mail box. Until then, I will continue to enjoy carrying in arm-fuls of adds and coupon packets and other useless mail, only to throw it away immediately in my trash.

Thank you credit card company for the nice $35 late fee charge you gave me last month. It was such a nice surprise! I look forward to paying it with great anticipation! What can I do to get one next month as well, because I will be sure to do that. For some reason, I thought you received my payment telepathically when I THOUGHT about sending in the payment and then got distracted by my baby, the food cooking ont he stove, my dog peeing in the house and my husband playing rock band. Please accept my gratitude for being so understanding when I miss a payment by a couple of days. I appreciate the rewards of having a line of credit with your company and look forward to many, many, many more years of paying you off...

Thank you strangers who come up to me and my baby in public and touch her hands and cheeks with your hands. I know you mean the best and that you probably didn't think about the fact that your hands have been all over the place and you're now touching my newborn baby's hands with them and that she will be putting them in her mouth later on and ingesting all your germs. I will happily send you the bill from the doctor's office when this happens.

Thank you shower curtain rod for falling down on a daily basis. The loud sound you make when you fall to the floor is so startling that it gives me the feeling that something horrible and scary is happening. I love waking up to your sound in the middle of the night and thinking someone is breaking into our house. You and the ice maker are great middle-of-the night noise makers who give me lots of great scares. I enjoy that so much.

Thank you black scuff mark on the floor in my room. Your presence is appreciated. I don't know what I would do if you finally washed off during one of my cleaning attempts. I frequently go into the room just to look and make sure you are there. Please let me know if you every leave. We can throw you a party.

So who/what would you like to thank and give your sincere appreciation too? I'm sure I'll have more to come next week after my first week back at school. :=)


Aileen said...

Great blog! I laughed and laughed:) Keep them coming every week so we can have a good laugh because we need it to liven up our day.

Melissa @Simply Mel (Formerly Mama Monoblogs) said...

LOL. that was funny.

Thank you super loud motorcycles and rice burners for making a TON of noise in front of my house every time you drive by. During nap time.

Thank you telemarketers for calling repeatedly(even though I screen my calls and NEVER pick up) and never giving up in your quest to talk to someone at my house. At nap time. And dinner time.

Thank you Benny for not liking all of the the dog food bits in your dry dog food. Thank you for always spitting out the "red" ones and leaving piles of dog food around your bowl for me to sweep up. I love it. I really do.

Debra Waldo said...

Hilarious!!! I love it!

Thank you garbage men for coming to pick up my garbage twice a week at 7:00 in the morning. Thank you for backing up and waking up my sleeping children with the loud beep, beep, beep each time.

Stef and Jared said...

i love this pic of brook!!!!